--- fortunes	2013-01-02 11:57:54.078475249 -0800
+++ fortunes-patched	2013-02-22 10:11:08.476211384 -0800
@@ -10800,11 +10800,14 @@
 When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular.
 		-- Oscar Wilde, "Intentions"
 %
-As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
-One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly
-useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
-
-Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
+Psychological testing in the United States government has come under
+fire from several congressional committees, who feel that asking job
+applicants a series of questions to gauge their personalities is an
+invasion of privacy. The test that has come in for the most criticism is
+the Minnesota multiphasic personality inventory, a 566 question true or
+false quiz. As an answer to the MMPI, one of its critics has developed
+the North Dakota null-hypothesis brain inventory, which the reader is
+invited to take right now. Answer true or false:
 
  1. I salivate at the sight of mittens.
  2. If I go into the street, I'm apt to be bitten by a horse.
@@ -10826,34 +10829,42 @@
 18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten.
 19. People who break the law are wise guys.
 20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
-%
-As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality.
-One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly
-useful and interesting, I just had to share it.
-
-Answer each of the following items "true" or "false"
-
- 1. I think beavers work too hard.
- 2. I use shoe polish to excess.
- 3. God is love.
- 4. I like mannish children.
- 5. I have always been disturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears.
- 6. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
- 7. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye.
- 8. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
- 9. I believe I smell as good as most people.
-10. Frantic screams make me nervous.
-11. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room
+21. I think beavers work too hard.
+22. I use shoe polish to excess
+23. God is love.
+24. I like mannish children
+25. I have always been disturbed by the size of Lincoln's ears.
+26. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools.
+27. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying good-by.
+28. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs.
+29. I believe I smell as good as most people.
+30. Frantic screams make me nervous.
+31. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room
     full of mice.
-12. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
-13. A wide necktie is a sign of disease.
-14. As a child I was deprived of licorice.
-15. I would never shake hands with a gardener.
-16. My eyes are always cold.
-17. Cousins are not to be trusted.
-18. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit.
-19. I am never startled by a fish.
-20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend.
+32. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis.
+33. A wide necktie is a sign of disease.
+34. As a child I was deprived of licorice.
+35. I would never shake hands with a gardener.
+36. My eyes are always cold.
+
+Now for the results. If you have answered more questions true than
+false, you should work for the labor department.
+
+If you have answered more questions false than true, you should try for
+the peace corps.
+
+If you answered 18 true and 18 false, you should apply for work with the
+Voice of America.
+
+If you refused to answer some of the questions, you might work for the
+White House.
+
+If you held your hand over the questions while you answered them, you
+should go into the federal bureau of investigation.
+
+If you talk about this test to anybody else, then you could never get a
+security clearance and you'd better stay where you are.
+		-- Art Buchwald, 1965
 %
 As me an' me marrer was readin' a tyape,
 The tyape gave a shriek mark an' tried tae escyape;