--- fortunes 2013-01-02 11:57:54.078475249 -0800 +++ fortunes-patched 2013-02-22 10:11:08.476211384 -0800 @@ -10800,11 +10800,14 @@ When it is looked upon as vulgar, it will cease to be popular. -- Oscar Wilde, "Intentions" % -As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality. -One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly -useful and interesting, I just had to share it. - -Answer each of the following items "true" or "false" +Psychological testing in the United States government has come under +fire from several congressional committees, who feel that asking job +applicants a series of questions to gauge their personalities is an +invasion of privacy. The test that has come in for the most criticism is +the Minnesota multiphasic personality inventory, a 566 question true or +false quiz. As an answer to the MMPI, one of its critics has developed +the North Dakota null-hypothesis brain inventory, which the reader is +invited to take right now. Answer true or false: 1. I salivate at the sight of mittens. 2. If I go into the street, I'm apt to be bitten by a horse. @@ -10826,34 +10829,42 @@ 18. I don't like it when somebody is rotten. 19. People who break the law are wise guys. 20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend. -% -As many of you know, I am taking a class here at UNC on Personality. -One of the tests to determine personality in our book was so incredibly -useful and interesting, I just had to share it. - -Answer each of the following items "true" or "false" - - 1. I think beavers work too hard. - 2. I use shoe polish to excess. - 3. God is love. - 4. I like mannish children. - 5. I have always been disturbed by the sight of Lincoln's ears. - 6. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools. - 7. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying goodbye. - 8. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs. - 9. I believe I smell as good as most people. -10. Frantic screams make me nervous. -11. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room +21. I think beavers work too hard. +22. I use shoe polish to excess +23. God is love. +24. I like mannish children +25. I have always been disturbed by the size of Lincoln's ears. +26. I always let people get ahead of me at swimming pools. +27. Most of the time I go to sleep without saying good-by. +28. I am not afraid of picking up door knobs. +29. I believe I smell as good as most people. +30. Frantic screams make me nervous. +31. It's hard for me to say the right thing when I find myself in a room full of mice. -12. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis. -13. A wide necktie is a sign of disease. -14. As a child I was deprived of licorice. -15. I would never shake hands with a gardener. -16. My eyes are always cold. -17. Cousins are not to be trusted. -18. When I look down from a high spot, I want to spit. -19. I am never startled by a fish. -20. I have never gone to pieces over the weekend. +32. I would never tell my nickname in a crisis. +33. A wide necktie is a sign of disease. +34. As a child I was deprived of licorice. +35. I would never shake hands with a gardener. +36. My eyes are always cold. + +Now for the results. If you have answered more questions true than +false, you should work for the labor department. + +If you have answered more questions false than true, you should try for +the peace corps. + +If you answered 18 true and 18 false, you should apply for work with the +Voice of America. + +If you refused to answer some of the questions, you might work for the +White House. + +If you held your hand over the questions while you answered them, you +should go into the federal bureau of investigation. + +If you talk about this test to anybody else, then you could never get a +security clearance and you'd better stay where you are. + -- Art Buchwald, 1965 % As me an' me marrer was readin' a tyape, The tyape gave a shriek mark an' tried tae escyape;